The Day I Broke It Off With An Author

I have a problem. I'm not completely psycho, but just a little. If I were to diagnose myself, I'd say OCD. I'm a clinger, a needy person, a collector. I come across a book I really enjoy, the words touch the depths of my soul and it's no longer about me and the book, it's about me falling in love with the author.

I wind up needing to read every piece of writing that has ever been created by that specific author. And it begins to consume my life and becomes the topic of every conversation even if someone is talking about food, cars or sex.

My recent obsession: Chuck Palahniuk 

I remember walking through Barnes & Noble and seeing the cover of his book 'Damned' and thinking, "That's a bad-ass cover. I'm gonna read it." I know, I did what we learn not to do our whole lives .. I judged a book by its cover .. there I said it! So I take the book home not knowing anything about the author and I automatically fall in love. I went through:
  • Invisible Monsters
  • Survivor 
  • Cannibal
  • Rant

I couldn't get enough of him! Our relationship was stronger than ever. We even exchanged tweets on Twitter like:

As you can see, we clearly had something special.

I wound up going back to Barnes & Noble recently and where do you think I'm immediatey drawn to: Section Fiction- Letter P. I purchase two more Chuck books: 'Fight Club' & 'Invisible Monsters REMIX'.

Let me remind you I already have 'Invisible Monsters' and the REMIX is just the way he intended the book to be with a few more chapters. This obsession had gotten out of control. I didn't even know who I was! I was lost and had become a product of Chuck P. He was the food for my soul, he filled the emptiness inside of me, he had full control. I had to do the unthinkable, I had to break it off.

It was time to experience new authors and new styles. So I did it the only way I could:

It must have been hard on him because he never wrote back.

I'm sorry Chuck.


  1. That was a great read, Andrea. A really funny piece. The last line was absolutely perfect-couldn't imagine a better ending. I've never been obsessed with a writer, though there are some (mostly poets) who I've read pretty thoroughly. I don't think I get the same kick out of books that you do.

  2. Tee hee! Funny post. Take comfort in knowing you're not the only one who's done that. I've had more than one break up in my past, some more difficult than others.

    1. HA! I honestly felt like I was the only one, but I'm so happy to see that I'm not alone. I'm so sorry about Kurt.