Clinch, Lock, Squeeze: The 'Talk'

I'm not a touchy person let alone a hugger. I'm on an arms length basis- no cooties please. So when it comes to giving a friendly hug, I'm just awkward. My hugs are said to be described as my arms 'just being there'. They're lifeless noodles clinging on to your back. More of a half assed gesture. I would rather hug a snowman with its twig arms, which seem much more inviting than mine. So I decided to do a little research because I was not taught to hug ... correctly. Good ol' saved the day and updated me on the many ways to hug because clearly 'I' didn't get the memo.

So the first step in hugging is to make sure the hug-ee is expecting the hug with open arms. Do not attempt hugging if they are not aware. This can lead to an awkward situation.

There are 5 different types of hugs:

Hugging A Crush- the breast hug. You see your crush and what better way to give the big chested hug. It involves a tight squeeze and a lot of chest action. The woman's arms should embrace the neck, while the man embraces around her waist. Give a flirty look or maybe a little wink while pulling away.

Hugging Your Significant Other- the compassionate hug. This hug is very similar to the breast hug, except there is much more compassion. The woman should rest her head on the mans shoulder and give a little squeeze of reassurance, the type that says, "I love you." This hug can last as long as you'd like without having that awkward factor.

Hugging A Friend Or Family- the crisscross hug. Friends and Family start with 'F' & so does Fun. So the goal is to enjoy the easiest hug! Usually you aim for more of a crisscross with your arms creating a sort of knot between the two of you. You may want to squeeze your friend or family, but be careful not to choke them, unless your intentions are to choke them, then you should slowly back away from the hug.

Hugging A Drunk- the freefall. This hug consists of a high pitched, "Heyyyyyyy!" and the person falling in to your arms because they can not keep themselves up. They'll wrap their arms around your neck while they throw majority of their body weight on you. Your goal is to keep them upright and make sure they make it out of the hug ok. This hug requires you to use some serious muscle.

Hugging Someone You Don't Really Want To Hug- the pity pat. We all get those people who really want to hug us for whatever reason. It can be difficult stopping someone in midhug so you have to suck it up and just do it. These dreadful hugs consist of 0 to 1 arm and the pity pat. Three pats is all it takes for them to get the clue.

  1. Don't hug someone if you are sweaty or you smell.
  2. Don't prolong an awkward hug.
  3. It is ok to talk during a hug.
  4. Try not to squeeze too hard.
  5. Don't confuse the hug-ee. If they are expecting the crisscross hug do not throw them off with the breast hug.

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