My Unorthodox Thanksgiving Story

So, Thanksgiving is around the corner and while most are happy to be around family, I am having second thoughts! You see, my family is very, (thinks of right word) colorful.

My holidays are surrounded by three loudmouth Chihuahua's with an occasional visit from their Puggle cousin Pluto who runs around the whole apartment knocking everything over.

We have my two male cousins, one being lactose intolerant but loves to eat cheesy foods anyways and winds up in our bathroom for a good half hour (on a good day), while the rest of us wait patiently to go next. But it's not as if we can immediately go in, no, no, no! We must wait it out another half hour or so to let the bathroom ventilate and at that point we're contemplating on either just doing it in the sink or a bowl!

My second cousin has no shame in farting, and I'm not just talking about a cute little puff! It is the most excruciating smell ever. We all either hold our breath for a good 10 minutes or have to leave the premises. These farts cause us to open all the windows, so we're all huddled around the table with our coats on eating a frozen turkey while the warm fart blankets over us.

My dogs have the loudest barks, so they'll bark continuously begging for food as if they never ate a day in their lives while cousin Pluto jumps with 2 paws on the table pulling the tablecloth off as we all dash to catch anything that is falling off and toppling over.

My family motto: Go Fuck Yourself! So instead of being a normal family and giving thanks, we literally pass the food around and slip in a 'Go Fuck Yourself!'

You have my mother's fiancé who eats everything with a spoon .. even turkey. I know, weird?

You have my mother who usually looks overwhelmed and starts regretting hosting Thanksgiving and is having second thoughts about Christmas while she watches her beautiful home fall apart before her eyes.

After a crazy dinner we usually gather around and pick a movie to watch. Last years pick: The Blair Witch Project .. I KNOW! GREAT PICK RIGHT?

And to add to all the craziness we have my poor boyfriend walking in to the deadly fumes of the fart and the bathroom and being toppled by all 4 dogs. Not only does he not have to take off his coat because it is about 10 degrees inside the living room but we're all squeezed on my tiny couch which is supposed to fit 3 people but we somehow manage to fit 5.

So am I looking forward to the holidays? Ehhh. But as I sit here writing this I'm dying of laughter because we're so all over the place it's ridiculous. At least I know what to expect and this year I come prepared with a port-o-potty, gas mask, heater, and still contemplating on the movie choice.
Hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving!

{Image by martha_chapa95}

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